In Canada Again

Well, I have not posted since leaving Canada last August. Being an American, there is sense of irony that my blog only gets update when I leave the country. I am back to the land of dollar coins, of "eh", where public transportation are polar bears wearing saddles. Once again I am the full time pastor in the Lord's church. Whenever I read a sentence like that, I am completely humbled. There is no organization or institution on this world like the church of Christ. In a world of business and finance, owners and operators, boards of trustees, and CEO's...we are nothing like them. A pastor is not the owner of the church, he is its servant, as are the elder's and deacons. The church has only on boss, that is Christ. We serve not as leaders and bosses, but as stewards of Christ. He directs his church, both by his Spirit and by Scripture. Yeah I am the pastor of a church, but my boss reigns in heaven and controls the lightning...(with the credit I have built up...that is a scary thought alone). I have the privileged to preach the gospel as a steward of his church. But those thoughts make me think twice and keep me humble. I am involved in a church, where peoples very salvation is on the line. But while my boss is eternal and all powerful....he loves his church, sacrificed for it. Christ is also with me, guiding me if I will listen, teaching me if I am willing to learn. May I never forget this, may I be always humble and look to Christ who is head of his church and myself. May I never introduce myself as the Pastor without remembering that I am only a servant in the house of the Lord.

Home Again...onto Home Again

Well. I am currently sitting in my parents basement. My internship is done, I am back in my home country. Singles are now paper money, when I order a regular coffee there is no cream and sugar in it, and I can say roof with no one snickering at my accent. To be honest, I do miss Canada. Well, not the country (Sorry Canadians, but I am still an American) but Stratford was wonderful town but what defined my experience was a church filled with very dedicated Christians. The church has some very wonderful dedicated Christians. Men and Women who live out their faith...it was evident in their actions. They let me be a part of their lives, they were not only kind but they really showed me love. They showed me a church that was healthy, biblical, and wanted to live as Christians outside of the doors of the church. It was an honor to preach the Word of the Lord to them...It was a delight to preach to them. And the church affirmed God's call.
Pastors are an interesting breed of people...don't laugh to hard. We feel this "call", a rascal thing that buzzes constantly in the back of the mind. It is hard to describe, but this "call" is something cannot be missed. It is always there and I know that many seminarians and I am sure pastors as well struggle with it. We struggle to come to term that God would call us...little us...to preach his Word, lead his church. And I still struggle with this call...whether I have the "gifts" or ability or wisdom to do it. And in the middle of this congregation, in the midst of Stratford CRC, I was affirmed in so many ways. They said the right things to calm fears, they showed genuine affirmation. I can only say that God calmed my fears through them. He used them to show me many things of myself. I cannot say how wonderful this summer has been. God was speaking through people and through events "you can do this". I am not sure if I believe Him yet...but its hard to ignore him. How wonderful are the whispers of God.

Eating Some Humble Pie

I understand why crazy people become pastors. You stand up in front of a crowd every week and proclaim a message from God...and they have to listen, its religious...They see you in a fine clothes, they admire your words, and if it is a good message they always say thank you or "I will remember that one". If you are narcissistic person...this is the perfect job for them. And if you are a normal joe like me...it is a struggle stay humble. It is natural to think when people congratulate you for doing something well...to be affirmed and to think well of yourself. You think "hey I did this, I am talented"...And the same thoughts happen when you get off the pulpit, and someone says that you did well. Does this mean that you shouldn't thank a pastor for an excellent sermon? No, because I have been affirmed by Stratford CRC in so many ways. They have invited me into their homes, they have enjoyed my company, and they have let me know when I am doing a good job. And I can definitely see that pastors need affirmation, they need to be told when they do well. But I also need to be humbled and continue to be humble...Last summer I realized that I would not drastically change anyone's life overnight...it was a sad thought when I realized it and I was quite bitter about it for a while. I realized yesterday the same thing. I don't think that a sermon I gave has ever dramatically changed a life...And I am always surprised when someone comes up to me and says "I really like when you talked about so and so" and what they reference was a minor point or just a random sentence.
I realized yesterday that no matter what I say...if God is not working...I am just babbling for 20 minutes. And that was a humbling thought. But also a comforting thought, because it means that I am not alone but God is working. But that also means that everything I do should and must be done in prayer...and I am still learning that
I am entering into a profession where humility is a necessity and one that for me will always be a struggle. I know for myself, I need to be affirmed but also told without God, you're just more words in a world already to full of people talking.

I used to throw these away

Canadian money. I am sure every person in the United States has gotten change back and hidden in the coins is that Canadian penny or quarter. Of course you usually do not notice it until you try to pay with it and the store clerk won't take it...and you are then a few cents short. How frustrating. I especially despair when I get quarters for laundry and there smiling at me is Elizabeth the Second. Now I use those same smiling coins to pay for coffee in the morning, but every instinct in me still says to throw it away. I still have not gotten used to the switch. Oh, well this is going to be a summer full of new things, things to get used to, things to do. I am beginning my time at Stratford CRC, getting used to the new schedule, trying desperately to remember all the names that are thrown at me. If I have an Achilles, it is peoples names. This summer will force me to retrain myself to remember names. But doesn't that just in many ways define the Christian life? Like resisting the urge to throw away money, being a Christian forces us to resist urges, to retrain ourselves to do what is not natural. For the ways of God are not natural to us, they are in many ways against our nature. We are to be kind and compassionate when we want to be selfish, we are to turn the other cheek when we want to deck someone, and we are to show love in the face of world full of hatred. I have been preaching for a year now, and will preach more this summer, yet there are many times when I get to the application part of a sermon that I feel as though I am requesting the moon. I ask people to retrain themselves, to discipline themselves against their natural urges, I ask them to do the most difficult things I can imagine. There are times when I feel bad about it, and feel as though I have no right. But I realize that we can retrain ourselves because God whose Spirit dwells in us, is with us as we change, with us as we resist urges, as we strive against our natural reactions. I keep reminding myself of this fact as I write a sermon, because without the presence of Almighty God...well I dare not think about it.

A Sabbath Rest

This morning I sat on a beach and waited for God. Life has been filled with turmoils, emotions of joy and sorrow mixing together like heat and cold for a tornado. The surf pound the rocks under my feet, seeking to toss me into the depths. Those rocks seemed greater than the foundation under my feet in this life. I sat on a beach and waited for God. The hours ticked away, the surf pounded into a monotony of sound. I sat still, and waited.

Home Sweet Home

So I have returned to the Chicagoland area once again. Since I left in June, I have slept in two different countries and four different states. Now I am sleeping in the same room where I have slept off and on for the last 22 years of my life. Yet I am not the same person who left that room in June. I do not mean that I have come back an entirely different person but I have come back with an appreciation for people so very different than what we find in suburbia. I have come back with a stronger passion for ministry forged in failure and learned from the lips of children. I have a deeper respect for the Spirit of the Living God who is working in this world.
Perhaps that is what I have learned most. I have said it for years that God works subtly, but I grimace at how uneducated those words were when I spoke them such a short time ago. This summer has taught me how true those words are. The knowledge about how God works was only in my head but it has moved into my heart. Isaiah says that "They will have ears but will not hear, they will have eyes but do not see" (paraphrased). My prayers have begun to include a call in my own life to have eyes to see and ears to hear...what? I want to see God working and hear the Spirit whispering.
This summer I did not dramatically change anyone's life. I did not create a perfect world. Actually in terms of success, I was a complete failure. I am ok with that. New City has a motto including this phrase "planting seeds". That is what I did...and it was not what I did. It is what God did through my actions. God used me to plant seeds.
Here is the point of what I am saying. Have you ever watched a tree grow...it takes a long time to see beautiful tree emerge from a seed. The growth is so slight that to look at it for only a moment is to think nothing is happening but the tree is growing. How true is this for the Spirit working in our lives.
I saw the Spirit of the Living God working in childrens lives, but so subtly that it could easily be overlooked. How often we want dramatic change in our lives, we want the thunderstorms and the fire from heaven. Yet the power of God is also that whisper in the wind which teaches and instructs us gently. The whisper nurtures us, provides what is necessary for growing closer to God, to be filled with his Spirit. Like good soil and rain which causes a tree to grow, God whispering in our lives cause us to grow. I saw it happening with teens and children this summer. May the Lord continue to let me see it, to let all his children see it; and may we praise Him unceasing for it.

Rhetoric can't raise the dead

So I have not posted in a while. There is much that can be said in the past 10 days. First of all, I have seen the ocean for the very first time in my life. Last week Saturday a couple of us were supposed to go kayaking in Jersey City but it turned out that we could not. Instead myself and another intern went to Brooklyn and went to the ocean. It was a perfect beach, not to many people and late in the afternoon. I enjoyed it...maybe not the salty skin but oh well. While driving back we also found the greatest diner in NYC...the cornbread diner. It was delicious. Last weekend was one of those times where the Lord blesses you with relaxation after a long and emotional week.
This week has been hectic but by this time I have become used to it. I really do enjoy this city and the rhythm of life that exists here. I do not know if I could survive Manhattan but here in Jersey City I like it. I enjoy walking the streets even though it is tough. There are homeless people. This week I have taken to feeding one in particular. I went to Dunkin Donuts a couple times for breakfast (We ran out of milk and more importantly coffee). I simply bought two corn muffins instead of one and passed it out to a man who sleeps behind the fruit stand. I do not know what that does to his day, if it makes it better or if people handing him food is a normal occurrence. It is easy to become callous here to things that happen. There are arguments on the streets every day. I hear them all the time...including last night outside of my window about 1 in the morning. You tune them out. There are homeless people everywhere, and drunks too. Again how easy it is to tune them out. I struggle with what should be our answer. I cannot help the dozen or so people I saw while walking the streets of Manhattan yesterday. But how do I prevent myself from becoming callous about it?
In the suburbs you hear about how easy it is to ignore because you do not see it. We do not see poverty, or the homeless. There is not much drug dealing on the corners, or drunks walking the streets. Well I do see it alot here but I am overwhelmed in how I can help and the response is...to ignore it. Isn't it interesting how the response is the same whether you see it or not?
Christ was right when he said the poor you will have with you always. But I cannot find it in the Bible where he says "since they are with you always you can ignore them." Having read the Bible through a couple of times I think it says something different. Check out Amos 5. There is some strong words said about God ignoring the praise of the Israelites. Why? Because while their words of praise was right, they were ignoring the poor. Many of the laws in the Torah are so that there will be no poor in Israel. When they ignored those laws and the poor, God ignored their songs of praise. Wow...that should make us blush a little.
So what do we do? I still do not know really. I started by buying a few meals for a person, it is not much but maybe a beginning. If we truly have compassion, we should not be ignoring the poor and needy. This means more than just money in the collection plate. It means having the courage to stop and feed an individual. Compassion and love show itself in so many ways and the littlest love can change everything. It is easy to ignore but Christ did not ignore us (for that I am literally eternally grateful). How do we reflect love and hope to those who need it especially? It must be more than a collection plate. It must be more than flyer. People do not respond to words but to acts of love, love that reflects the greatest love. We cannot help everyone but does that mean helping no one? Lord teach us compassion. Amen.