Sunday, November 22, 2009

A Sabbath Rest

This morning I sat on a beach and waited for God. Life has been filled with turmoils, emotions of joy and sorrow mixing together like heat and cold for a tornado. The surf pound the rocks under my feet, seeking to toss me into the depths. Those rocks seemed greater than the foundation under my feet in this life. I sat on a beach and waited for God. The hours ticked away, the surf pounded into a monotony of sound. I sat still, and waited.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Home Sweet Home

So I have returned to the Chicagoland area once again. Since I left in June, I have slept in two different countries and four different states. Now I am sleeping in the same room where I have slept off and on for the last 22 years of my life. Yet I am not the same person who left that room in June. I do not mean that I have come back an entirely different person but I have come back with an appreciation for people so very different than what we find in suburbia. I have come back with a stronger passion for ministry forged in failure and learned from the lips of children. I have a deeper respect for the Spirit of the Living God who is working in this world.
Perhaps that is what I have learned most. I have said it for years that God works subtly, but I grimace at how uneducated those words were when I spoke them such a short time ago. This summer has taught me how true those words are. The knowledge about how God works was only in my head but it has moved into my heart. Isaiah says that "They will have ears but will not hear, they will have eyes but do not see" (paraphrased). My prayers have begun to include a call in my own life to have eyes to see and ears to hear...what? I want to see God working and hear the Spirit whispering.
This summer I did not dramatically change anyone's life. I did not create a perfect world. Actually in terms of success, I was a complete failure. I am ok with that. New City has a motto including this phrase "planting seeds". That is what I did...and it was not what I did. It is what God did through my actions. God used me to plant seeds.
Here is the point of what I am saying. Have you ever watched a tree grow...it takes a long time to see beautiful tree emerge from a seed. The growth is so slight that to look at it for only a moment is to think nothing is happening but the tree is growing. How true is this for the Spirit working in our lives.
I saw the Spirit of the Living God working in childrens lives, but so subtly that it could easily be overlooked. How often we want dramatic change in our lives, we want the thunderstorms and the fire from heaven. Yet the power of God is also that whisper in the wind which teaches and instructs us gently. The whisper nurtures us, provides what is necessary for growing closer to God, to be filled with his Spirit. Like good soil and rain which causes a tree to grow, God whispering in our lives cause us to grow. I saw it happening with teens and children this summer. May the Lord continue to let me see it, to let all his children see it; and may we praise Him unceasing for it.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Rhetoric can't raise the dead

So I have not posted in a while. There is much that can be said in the past 10 days. First of all, I have seen the ocean for the very first time in my life. Last week Saturday a couple of us were supposed to go kayaking in Jersey City but it turned out that we could not. Instead myself and another intern went to Brooklyn and went to the ocean. It was a perfect beach, not to many people and late in the afternoon. I enjoyed it...maybe not the salty skin but oh well. While driving back we also found the greatest diner in NYC...the cornbread diner. It was delicious. Last weekend was one of those times where the Lord blesses you with relaxation after a long and emotional week.
This week has been hectic but by this time I have become used to it. I really do enjoy this city and the rhythm of life that exists here. I do not know if I could survive Manhattan but here in Jersey City I like it. I enjoy walking the streets even though it is tough. There are homeless people. This week I have taken to feeding one in particular. I went to Dunkin Donuts a couple times for breakfast (We ran out of milk and more importantly coffee). I simply bought two corn muffins instead of one and passed it out to a man who sleeps behind the fruit stand. I do not know what that does to his day, if it makes it better or if people handing him food is a normal occurrence. It is easy to become callous here to things that happen. There are arguments on the streets every day. I hear them all the time...including last night outside of my window about 1 in the morning. You tune them out. There are homeless people everywhere, and drunks too. Again how easy it is to tune them out. I struggle with what should be our answer. I cannot help the dozen or so people I saw while walking the streets of Manhattan yesterday. But how do I prevent myself from becoming callous about it?
In the suburbs you hear about how easy it is to ignore because you do not see it. We do not see poverty, or the homeless. There is not much drug dealing on the corners, or drunks walking the streets. Well I do see it alot here but I am overwhelmed in how I can help and the response is...to ignore it. Isn't it interesting how the response is the same whether you see it or not?
Christ was right when he said the poor you will have with you always. But I cannot find it in the Bible where he says "since they are with you always you can ignore them." Having read the Bible through a couple of times I think it says something different. Check out Amos 5. There is some strong words said about God ignoring the praise of the Israelites. Why? Because while their words of praise was right, they were ignoring the poor. Many of the laws in the Torah are so that there will be no poor in Israel. When they ignored those laws and the poor, God ignored their songs of praise. Wow...that should make us blush a little.
So what do we do? I still do not know really. I started by buying a few meals for a person, it is not much but maybe a beginning. If we truly have compassion, we should not be ignoring the poor and needy. This means more than just money in the collection plate. It means having the courage to stop and feed an individual. Compassion and love show itself in so many ways and the littlest love can change everything. It is easy to ignore but Christ did not ignore us (for that I am literally eternally grateful). How do we reflect love and hope to those who need it especially? It must be more than a collection plate. It must be more than flyer. People do not respond to words but to acts of love, love that reflects the greatest love. We cannot help everyone but does that mean helping no one? Lord teach us compassion. Amen.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Shakspeares hiding out with Tupac

I was quoting Shakespeare last night and one of the sailing students asked if Shakespeare was dead. The immediate retort from another student was "Nah man, he's hiding out with Tupac". It was a perfect dry cynical reply...I could not help but laugh. This morning was no laughing matter.
I woke up this morning at 6 to a helicopter that sounded as though it was landing in my room. No joke it was literally 250 ft perhaps away. As I looked outside you could not miss the police presence...more than you could count. Weird enough it did not phase me and I tried to go back to sleep (a couple of weeks ago, the police presence would have definitely gotten my attention). I was about half asleep when I heard a noise mixed in with the air conditioner.
This morning at 5 someone took a pot shot at a cop and ran into an apartment about a block away from where I live. At 6:45 the police stormed the place and the two people shooting at the cops were killed. Some cops were also hurt.
This event would have stopped a neighborhood cold back home. Here people are slightly callous about it. Not that is does not effect them but this is frequent here. Shootings happen, and sometimes everyday for a while. When you sit back and think about it, it really strikes you about how messed up this world can be. I do not understand Jersey City enough to make an opinion but I wonder if being callous and making jokes is people way of covering up fear and trying not to think about how broken our world is around us.
There is no such thing as not being affected. When major events and pain happen around us it effects us. How do we cope? I have learned some excellent triggers for various people in my life. If they say something or do something...something is going on. I do not know how people here cope but they have to. The question always is...do we cope in a healthy way or not. That maybe one of the hardest parts of counseling...teaching people to cope in good ways. I think I saw some good and bad this morning.
I coped by actually preaching the gospel to a bunch of middle school children. We had shorten blocks today because we started late because of the shooting, but my 3rd block was cathartic. I talked about being teachable. I compared David and Bathsheba to the story of Naboth's vineyard. When I said that when we choose my way over God's way, there is pain. My way causes pain to me or others. David killed a man, so did Jezebel. I think I connected to them...they know they world is not right and there is a lot of anger and pain. When I said that God's way is not like that...I made them think...and planted some seeds...and spoke through my own emotions from the morning. These are amazing children here, full of life and potential. I do not want to see them choose to become like this person this morning who shot a cop and paid with his life. Amen.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

planting seeds and hearing some startling whispers

Kids can be like technology. Perhaps it should be the other way around since I am fairly certain that children came before computers. Anyhow the connection is this. We all know how frustrating computer and projectors can be. We hook up the computer to the projector correctly but when all is turned on...NOTHING. The screen is blank, the projector does not register what the computer is trying to say and we are left staring at the blue screen of death. Children can be like that or atleast the 80 kids who I am responsible for teaching the Gospel to. You prepare in advance, you use all the tricks you know, but in the end nothing is registering.
Today I taught two of my hardest classes. They are hard for very different reasons. Gad is our first and second graders. They are talkative and energetic and young. It is difficult unto impossible to impress the gravity of what I am presenting. They also suck the energy right out of you. If I give 150% of myself, they might give me half of their energy and even that is thinking really positive. I am emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted after teaching them. But there are those moments when I can see in their faces that something got through, that they understood something. I do not always know what but something and I pray that such a seed grows someday.
Asher is the 6th through 8th graders. Middle school years are really difficult. They are so used to people talking to them, they are apathetic, and there are so many barriers. All the time I used to prepare materials was wasted (well not totally wasted). I ended up doing some shooting from the hips and presenting the Gosoff the top of my head. But again I say some seeds planted. There is a feeling of inadequacy in working here. You really do not feel like you are making any impression in anyone's lives. But I preached the Gospel and I pray that the Lord takes those seeds he planted and cause them to grow. I need to learn to trust and not want it all instantaneous. That is my latest discovery about myself. I need to learn trust. I guess the whisper in this post is actually from myself.

Monday, July 6, 2009

"Do you think he plans it all out or does he make it all up as he goes along?"

Today was the beginning of Summer Camp. Today a bunch of tired, restless, then suddenly energetic kids flooded the Church. But my day started before they arrived. It started at 7 this morning arranging furniture, practicing skits for class and doing devotions. All a normal part of preparation. What was not normal is the state subsidized food truck not arriving on time. What was not normal is being given the keys to Pastor Trevor's van , a roll of cash, and being told that we need breakfast for 100 kids in 20 minutes. I broke some speed limit laws, and maybe a few others as well. But My roommate and I succeeded in buying cereal and milk and juice for 100 kids in 20 minutes. I am proud of myself and my road rage.
I have noticed that many people like plans. We plan out our day (sometimes to the minute), we plan out our meals for the week, we plan out the next five years...it doesn't happen here. I do not know why many of us insist on making such extensive plans. Maybe that is how we control the world around us, give it a semblance of normalcy, maybe that is just how we cope with what life has given us. There are maybe as many reasons as there are people, but Jersey City is not plan orientated. They are people orientated. The men and women that I meet here place a greater emphasis on connecting with others relationally than making an appointment. While I come from a culture that has no problem saying "I have to go in order to make something else", here many would not only consider it rude but actually insulting. It is food for thought; where is relationships with people on our list of priorities. Is being there for a meeting really more important than this person who needs someone to talk to me? Maybe we should be more aware of our messages that we send in our words and actions, even if our culture says that such words and actions are fine. Culture is a hard thing to decipher, but just because it says something is right doesn't make it so. Maybe this is one area where we should be willing to scrape our plans for someone else.
I found it interesting that during training the new interns including myself were told if something does not go according to plan, that is normal. Do not get upset, do not get irritated, just move on think of something new, always have something to do as a second option and roll with the punch. I expect that I am going to learn how to roll well this summer. I look forward to it, even though with all that rolling I expect to become dizzy.

Monday, June 29, 2009

"What is Love?...baby don't hurt me"

Yes, for those of you who recognize the song...it is very cheesy song associated with an equally cheesy movie. Michael Jackson died, as abruptly as that sentence. And today the interns and adult staff went through abuse training. Now at this point you might be asking what is the connection between the two: I would be if I weren't the person writing this post. Michael Jackson did not have a pretty childhood with an abusive father (I got this from a better source than Wikipedia) and not much of childhood. The famous Wacko Jacko pulled some crazy stunts in his life, including living with a monkey, making his home into an amusement park, and changing his face surgically to improve his looks. Coming from a house where what he did was not good enough, where abuse was prevelant, I wonder how much of Michael Jackson's life was dictated by his search for love and acceptence. I wonder if his view of himself could never let him be a content person. I wonder if there was a dark and earnest method behind Jackson's madness. I will never really know but I still feel sorry for the man.
Abuse happens and it affects millions of people every year. Today we went through the manual that New City has for abuse. When you really think about, it is startling and perverse that such a thing must exist. The policy is something that we must know, but that it must exist really sucks the joy out of a room.
Abuse manipulates a correct understanding of love and acceptence towards something unhealthy and unwholesome. An abused person never leaves uneffected out of the other side. I never cease to be amazed at how humans justify the greatest evils under the name of love; how we manipulate what should be treasured above all things into a degenerate mire of hopelessness and pain. We trade a heated house for a thin whisp of a blanket to shrug off the cold of winter, no wonder we can be so cold on the inside. Most abused people say nothing, just go one living their lives, seeking love and acceptence like the rest of us. The terrible truth is that humans seek what we know...
What do we do? Against the pain of our definition of love is the light of the Resurrected Jesus. His love is neither comical and shallow like Disney, lustful like pornography, twisted and egotistical like a manipulators, but gentle yet stern, accepting yet always seeking for our changing growth, and burning like a fire while healing like cool water. The truth of the Gospel is that God teaches us to love truly in a world where the word means anything. This issue is complicated, usually painful, and never ceasing. We need to pray that the Love of God perseveres in our own life because I am sure that in my life I will come across many people who have undergone some form of abuse. Perhaps this summer, perhaps in the years to come. I am sure that I will meet many people who abuse. I pray that I have the wisdom to teach love to both, and the ears to hear the storm that lays behind the whispers. Amen.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Does Jaws go well with scrambled eggs?

I have been enjoying living where I am. Just down the block are two stores quickly becoming the staple of my life. There is Luckies and The Bergen Fish Market. It might be fair to say that Luckies is the best store that has ever existed. A pound of Cherries is a $1 for one example. Fruit and vegetables are so cheap, the average dutchman would weep with joy and drive 40 minutes inorder to stock up. Across the street is the Fishmarket which sells Perch, Salmon, and Whitefish at outlandishly low prices. You pick the fish sitting in ice and they will fillet that sucker right up for you. I am enjoying buying and cooking food. I have learned how to make rice on the stove much like a rice cooker, so Richard and I eat rice fairly consistently. Mother, if you are reading this...be proud...be very proud.
These stores remind me of Russia. They are cramped near streets, the produce sits over the side walk, people touch it all day long. Going inside is an assault upon your nose...literally for the fishmarket. In Russia I literally shirked going into the stores the first few oppurtunities. Even after a couple of months I could find myself pausing. This past week and even tonight, I found myself doing the same thing. Why? Because I was raised in Supermarkets. Take the Meijers that is on Cascade and 28th in GR. It is the epitome of Sanitary. The floors are spotless in the midst of hightide of consumers. Everything is in its place and neat and clean and orderly. The isles are spacious (Yet we complain about how everyone is in our way, interesting enough). These stores though are tiny, the food is packed together and the level of sanitation that I am used is nowhere to be seen. But they sell quality food, fresh (for the most part...like all places you have check) and tasty. Both are awesome stores but would never survive in Suburban america. They do not reach the standards that the Suburban culture has of their food. I do not think that is bad or wrong...but sometimes I think that the Suburban culture has missed something in supermarket. There is something rather personable about small stores, knowing the cashier, and rubbing elbows with the person next to you while you shop. It has been refreshing to escape from the Suburban standards for food if only for a while. It has also make more aware of food culture as a whole, but that is for a later post.

Oh and I bought a pound and half of shark today...anyone know how to cook it? It could be interesting meal.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Liable to become a public charge

Today I was a sightseer. I usually do not like to be one for various reasons but today I put that aside and this day off of work Richard (roommate) and I went to Ellis and Liberty Island. Even though I was sightseer it does not mean that my mind has turned off, if that ever indeed happens. On Ellis Island while perusing the halls where 12 million people frightened but full of hope for a better life passed through, I came across this interesting fact. Those who did not have a trade or means of support, who were mentally or physically ill were denied entry into the United States in fear that they would become a burden upon society. They were given the label "Liable to become a public charge". At first I was passive about it, then I began to think...how do we measure the worth of a human being? While I understood why Immigration took that stance, something deep inside of me was revolted by that idea. Sometime our society can be vary utilitarian, ascertaining the value of person based upon how society views the benefits it receives from that person.

This summer I will teach kids in an area of the world that is looked down upon. Admittedly this can be a rough place in the world, I have found some evidence to that fact just by walking the streets and not walking the streets at certain hours. Yet today I talked to old Korean women who loved that I know how to use chopsticks and wanted me to know everything about Korean cooking. Today I saw kindness of person willing to help a drunk. Yesterday I saw a man work diligently, with kindness and sincerity that would make your heart joyful. All this in a city that is perhaps as liable to become a public charge as any. Today I stood at the base of the Statue of Liberty which stands for freedom, whose freedom? Could it be the freedom of all human beings, whether mentally or physically disabled or not? I think so.

I think also about Christian freedom. A freedom that is greater than any earthly freedom. I can imagine that many in this city are frightened, and have no hope. Whether they are liable to become a public charge or not, there is a message of hope waiting for them. The message waits for them because they have value, we have value in the eyes of our Lord. The greatest welfare state I can think of is the Church, and I am not only liable but definitely a public charge under God.

Am I making a political stance upon the welfare state...No, that was not my intent. I am saying welfare state should not divide the message of the Kingdom, we are men and women seeking to know true freedom. We all have worth as human beings, as being created in the image of God. And maybe next time I go sightseeing I will try to turn my mind off.

What did the gentle whisper say?

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. (1st Kings 19:11-13)

I am going to give my blog intent, just do not call it a purpose driven blog. I want to write about the whispers of life. I have always been amazed that our most awesome God would choose to reveal Himself in a whisper. What amazes me more is that people also reveal themselves in whispers. We dress ourselves in the storm of life, but when you watch closely, when you stop to listen, you see and hear the whispers. The whispers reveal the true value of other, their fears, their worries, but also their true loves and true joys. If we are to mourn with people and to celebrate with them, how much more should we hear the whispers after the storm. I want to talk about those whispers, in myself, in others, where ever I am. And I think it is going to be more interesting than 10 am - Had a tuna sandwich, 10:30 am - only ate half the sandwich, 4 pm - funky smell from the kitchen. But then again people might enjoy reading about funky smells.