Home Again...onto Home Again

Well. I am currently sitting in my parents basement. My internship is done, I am back in my home country. Singles are now paper money, when I order a regular coffee there is no cream and sugar in it, and I can say roof with no one snickering at my accent. To be honest, I do miss Canada. Well, not the country (Sorry Canadians, but I am still an American) but Stratford was wonderful town but what defined my experience was a church filled with very dedicated Christians. The church has some very wonderful dedicated Christians. Men and Women who live out their faith...it was evident in their actions. They let me be a part of their lives, they were not only kind but they really showed me love. They showed me a church that was healthy, biblical, and wanted to live as Christians outside of the doors of the church. It was an honor to preach the Word of the Lord to them...It was a delight to preach to them. And the church affirmed God's call.
Pastors are an interesting breed of people...don't laugh to hard. We feel this "call", a rascal thing that buzzes constantly in the back of the mind. It is hard to describe, but this "call" is something cannot be missed. It is always there and I know that many seminarians and I am sure pastors as well struggle with it. We struggle to come to term that God would call us...little us...to preach his Word, lead his church. And I still struggle with this call...whether I have the "gifts" or ability or wisdom to do it. And in the middle of this congregation, in the midst of Stratford CRC, I was affirmed in so many ways. They said the right things to calm fears, they showed genuine affirmation. I can only say that God calmed my fears through them. He used them to show me many things of myself. I cannot say how wonderful this summer has been. God was speaking through people and through events "you can do this". I am not sure if I believe Him yet...but its hard to ignore him. How wonderful are the whispers of God.

Eating Some Humble Pie

I understand why crazy people become pastors. You stand up in front of a crowd every week and proclaim a message from God...and they have to listen, its religious...They see you in a fine clothes, they admire your words, and if it is a good message they always say thank you or "I will remember that one". If you are narcissistic person...this is the perfect job for them. And if you are a normal joe like me...it is a struggle stay humble. It is natural to think when people congratulate you for doing something well...to be affirmed and to think well of yourself. You think "hey I did this, I am talented"...And the same thoughts happen when you get off the pulpit, and someone says that you did well. Does this mean that you shouldn't thank a pastor for an excellent sermon? No, because I have been affirmed by Stratford CRC in so many ways. They have invited me into their homes, they have enjoyed my company, and they have let me know when I am doing a good job. And I can definitely see that pastors need affirmation, they need to be told when they do well. But I also need to be humbled and continue to be humble...Last summer I realized that I would not drastically change anyone's life overnight...it was a sad thought when I realized it and I was quite bitter about it for a while. I realized yesterday the same thing. I don't think that a sermon I gave has ever dramatically changed a life...And I am always surprised when someone comes up to me and says "I really like when you talked about so and so" and what they reference was a minor point or just a random sentence.
I realized yesterday that no matter what I say...if God is not working...I am just babbling for 20 minutes. And that was a humbling thought. But also a comforting thought, because it means that I am not alone but God is working. But that also means that everything I do should and must be done in prayer...and I am still learning that
I am entering into a profession where humility is a necessity and one that for me will always be a struggle. I know for myself, I need to be affirmed but also told without God, you're just more words in a world already to full of people talking.

I used to throw these away

Canadian money. I am sure every person in the United States has gotten change back and hidden in the coins is that Canadian penny or quarter. Of course you usually do not notice it until you try to pay with it and the store clerk won't take it...and you are then a few cents short. How frustrating. I especially despair when I get quarters for laundry and there smiling at me is Elizabeth the Second. Now I use those same smiling coins to pay for coffee in the morning, but every instinct in me still says to throw it away. I still have not gotten used to the switch. Oh, well this is going to be a summer full of new things, things to get used to, things to do. I am beginning my time at Stratford CRC, getting used to the new schedule, trying desperately to remember all the names that are thrown at me. If I have an Achilles, it is peoples names. This summer will force me to retrain myself to remember names. But doesn't that just in many ways define the Christian life? Like resisting the urge to throw away money, being a Christian forces us to resist urges, to retrain ourselves to do what is not natural. For the ways of God are not natural to us, they are in many ways against our nature. We are to be kind and compassionate when we want to be selfish, we are to turn the other cheek when we want to deck someone, and we are to show love in the face of world full of hatred. I have been preaching for a year now, and will preach more this summer, yet there are many times when I get to the application part of a sermon that I feel as though I am requesting the moon. I ask people to retrain themselves, to discipline themselves against their natural urges, I ask them to do the most difficult things I can imagine. There are times when I feel bad about it, and feel as though I have no right. But I realize that we can retrain ourselves because God whose Spirit dwells in us, is with us as we change, with us as we resist urges, as we strive against our natural reactions. I keep reminding myself of this fact as I write a sermon, because without the presence of Almighty God...well I dare not think about it.